Kaparos Time!
A warm welcome to Crown Heights for all the vegans!
As Yom Kippur approaches, the whole world gets serious, except for one special species of walking red flags. The Jew-adjacent social justice warrior who thinks Hashem is giving out extra credit for harassing Jews doing the mitzvah of kaparos.
Last night on Eastern Parkway, Crown Heights got hit with the annual migration of vegans and vegetarians, and nothing gives me more holiday cheer. Watching people who think tofu has human rights scream at chickens is the kind of pre-Yom Kippur joy you simply cannot buy. Mixed into this pen of the lowest iQ Jews imaginable were Jews who, G-d help us, actually think they sound intelligent. One genius confidently told me that “Hashem forbade meat after the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash.” Incredible claim, but he is confusing his feelings with Hashem.
And of course, lingering behind all this stupidity are the professionally useless rabbis who push “Jewish vegetarianism” like it’s the eleventh commandment. These clowns give legitimacy to every anti-religious group that hates Torah but loves quoting it out of context.
Quick note for the brave souls lining up to condemn kaparos. At the top of the article I included a visual aid for anyone who decides to attack the practice anyway. If you think your enlightened Instagram ethics put you above the Rebbe, say it out loud so we all know what kind of genius we are dealing with.
I would like to thank these vegan groups for sending their most untalented debaters to Crown Heights for me to have a crack at. They even videoed me making one of their representatives look like a fool in front of the crowd, which elicited jeering laughs and giggles out of the Lubavitchers present. One of them even told me that I should run for president.
To be fair, our bochurim tried before I arrived at the scene. Their hearts were in the right place, but the logic was not. It inspired me to support a brand-new initiative: mandatory debate training in every Mesivta and Zal. Teach bochurim how to argue, how to eviscerate nonsense, how to dismantle a vegan talking point without breaking a sweat, and how to demolish the activists who come to Crown Heights every year thinking they discovered morality in one of those stupid universities.
And lastly, if you were the one who recorded that glorious moment of me dismantling that activist’s entire belief system in thirty seconds, please email me the video, I want a copy. If they’re going to bring the circus to Eastern Parkway, the least they can do is share the juicy parts with us.